Concluded Thoughts

So, Valentine’s Day is around the corner and my mom keeps emphasizing the urgency of marriage. As a result, I have been feeling an incredible yearn to be loved and romanticized by a gentleman.

I love Valentine’s Day, but not in the traditional sense of being in a romantic relationship. I have my reasons that you will hear of later in this post. I have always been a Galentine’s girl. Why? When you’ve been single long enough, you constantly choose peace over begging someone to pick you to be their valentine. Blantantly speaking, it makes more sense celebrating with the gal pals and with familial or platonic relationships.

Growing up my dad always gifted my mom, my sister, and myself valentine gifts. A great reminder of what a man is to do for his loved ones. Now, imagine my surprise when I finally enter my first (and last) ‘relationship’. I use the quotation marks because, let’s be real. We all have that one relationship. We had no business entertaining or even investing ourselves into. That was mine. The only gift I received were thoughts, and according to society “it’s the thought that counts”. Yet, when that’s the only exchange given while you shared thoughtful gifts formed by matter…it doesn’t equate. It’s funny reflecting on how treacherous my Valentines has been over the years. Shall we unpack?

The Fall of cupid

• The Winter Storm of 2021: I have a burning desire to celebrate Galentines. This year was one for the books! Me and the girls, trapped in a winter storm, valentines was on a weekend, surrounded by good vibes. But then, you remember that you have a boyfriend…yet, his existence seemed to vanish under the snow. Perhaps the blizzard and high wind speeds directed him elsewhere. Don’t get me wrong, I was enjoying myself with the girls. We were making TikToks and baking. We sang the closing song of To All the Boys: Always and Forever. Unfortunately, the gift of thought I received from my ex-boyfriend haunted me for weeks after Valentines Day. It lingered even after the snow melted. Hearing him say “I was going to get you a bouquet. But the storm happened, and valentines day is over.” These words played in my head like a tune from a vintage jewelry music box. It was jarring and irritating. Friends, little did I know that this would spark a poor pattern for my future Valentine experiences.
• Mummy London 2022: You’d figure after that whole situation I would have given up on men…unfortunately I am hardheaded and love love! So I got on the apps before the holiday season began. I matched with a guy who lived 3 hours away from me. I have a secure-avoidant attachment style so the distance was not a problem for me at all. For this pseudo-suitor, being in an LDR (long-distant relationship) was too much for him. I kept him on my watchlist. At times I didn’t know if he was truly into me or, as my friends love to shout, was gay! His appreciation for pink Himalayan salt chapstick was not a supporting argument, I fear. Anyways, Valentine’s Day comes and I peep his Instagram story. He reposted a story showcasing a compilation of intimate moments via Facetime captioned “Happy Valentine’s Day Stink!” with a lady in London who was so convinced that she found herself in a relationship with this man. Before this she made a GRWM (get ready with me) reel showing them having an online date night. Remember, allegedly, he doesn’t do LDR. You’d think he’d confess that he had a girlfriend when I asked. But of course, he jokes and responds, “Oh no, that’s mummy London! We are friends.” I am convinced that the Y chromosome rots any logic or common sense men have. I must’ve been born yesterday, if he thought I’d believe that.
• The Situationship 2023: Unfortunately, I have fallen victim to the whole situationship nonsense. A new dating trend that this generation pushes. It’s the practice of being in a directionless relationship that lacks boundaries and exclusivity. To the point where new age songs are romanticizing about them. I on the other hand, left delulu land on Valentine’s Day. I was hoping to not have a Valentine this year. I always found it more meaningful coming from a man committed to only me. My situationship on the other hand…did not have the same idea. I walked into my room and was surprised to see him. My roommates had let him in. He held a big teddy bear and balloons that he got for me. In theory, if we were in a relationship, this would’ve been a very cute idea. BUT we were not and I found this quite insulting. This was heavily due to the horrors I’ve been through in my past. So I confronted him. Of course, he gaslit me into believing that this wasn’t a grand gesture. He insisted he didn’t think anything of it. I simply was valentine worthy and he wanted me to be just that…with no exclusivity. At this point, why haven’t I applied to clown college?
• Return of the Ex 2024: I hope this will be my last consecutive valentine flop. You know the saying “they always come back”? A very true statement but honestly when they do it’s just to disrespect you even more. Why haven’t I blocked my ex?? Some mysteries are left unfolded. Friends, I was having a peaceful valentine day, no roster, only stillness and serenity. Mid day, my restfulness was disrupted. I got a text from my ex saying, verbatim, “In case no one told you yet, happy valentines day.” I was left speechless. I was debating on whether to cuss him out. I also considered giving him the benefit of the doubt that he sent the text with pure intentions. In conclusion, he should’ve been cussed out because months later he posted himself with a girlfriend.

Cupid’s Boomerang: Pouring into yourself

Men frequently tried to ruin Valentine’s day for me. I have made it a goal this year to really become deeply infatuated with myself. I was pretty unsure on what that would look like so I asked my community. Here are some ideas from my gal pals. These can make Valentine’s Day as a single person just as special as celebrating with a lover.

1. Buy yourself flowers in advanced so you may be surprised the day of
2. Go to a restaurant that you have been eyeing and enjoy the experience
3. Pamper yourself, take time to reset with a spa or nail appointment (could even be an at-home thing)
4. Buy your favorite wine and put on your favorite series or movie
5. Invite your besties over and bake in matching pajama sets

There are many more ideas. Just do something that makes you happy and Valentine’s Day will be exactly what it was made for. A day showcasing love. It can look in any way you see fit! I’m thinking of taking myself out and scratch off a bucket list experience-going to a jazz club. I get to be dressed up, feel beautiful, and enjoy the intimate sexy sounds of a saxophone. Most importantly, when it’s over, I can come home and clean myself up. Then, I can sink into my couch with my favorite show on and a wine glass. I am truly excited! I’m curious, how will you pour into yourself and spend Valentine’s day this year?